A Decision

Well, yesterday was beyond hard for me! I spent the day crying my eyes out, then feeling numb, then feeling the pressure and sadness build up again until I cried my eyes out--and repeating this cycle the entire day. Except for during Nascar. For the first half of the race, I was going through the cycle, but then I fell asleep! Hahaha I woke up enough to hear that Kurt Busch won (I think--I could've been dreaming) but I didn't care, so I slept a little more. I had a good night's sleep last night, so I think I'm doing a lot better today.

I've come to a decision. I hate it that my boys are not with me, so I don't wish to prolong this experience unnecessarily. Chad has had to be in foster care twice in his life, four years apart. So I figure if we end up repeating this mess, it'll only be once more before he's an adult! lol I'm a tough bitch--I can handle that.

Some aspects of the move are really overwhelming me: particularly setting up schooling and special services for Chad. This is difficult when you live in the city, but nearly impossible to do from another province! When stuff overwhelms me that much, I tend to freeze up and get nothing done! So I've decided that if I can swing it, I'll extend the care agreement by a month, or 45 days. They will transfer him to Calgary when I move and the ministry will arrange all the services we'll need. That will allow me to focus all of my resources on finding the place to live and making those arrangements. It would not be easy for Chad to have to spend a couple of weeks with a totally new foster family, but it would make things much easier for me so that we can actually pull this off! It's not the best plan, but I think it will work out better than if I try to do everything on my own.

As for Chad's aggressive behaviour, it's probably something we'll just have to deal with. I believe he doesn't have much control over it. If he can continue to control it for long periods of time, I can handle the odd incident. I just want him with me--at least I know he wont be being exposed to violent adult video games or any of that shit. So we'll see how things go when the social worker returns from vacation...

I'm off to work now :)